For the second year in a row our show in San Francisco was full of costumes, energy and raw passion for making sweet love to nothing at all. Creme BruLaid was our only repeat performer from 2009 and he earned a spot in the finals with a strangely seductive Bjork-ish routine. The rest of the show was filled with (air) virgins who showed an insane amount of potential. Early audience favorite Magnolia Gold was edged by Cockalicious in the end. Both have very bright futures in the world’s most important sporting competition!
He’s a local celebrity, he’s a DJ, he’s the first ever Santa Fe Air Sex Champion. Sir Loin (one of our favorite names of all time) gave the crowd a feel-good come from behind victory last night after defeating Mike Cock in a Fuck-Off and then demolishing Jism the Clown and Cheesedog in the finals.
Other highlights included the Absinthe Queen disappearing under the judges table and doing who knows what and a scary heavy-metal routine that was 90% scary and 10% sexy.
We’ve always said that the best Air Sex show consists of the following things: some good fantasy/comedy scenes, at least one train wreck and some actual sex appeal. Tempe, you did not disappoint. In addition to a delightful weirdo named Space Panda (quite possibly an actual Panda from actual Space), you gave us a Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka type launch from a chair into a woman’s lower regions and you gave us a more-than-solid winning performance from “Cuntastrophe”, who earned the crowd, the crown and a pack of cigarettes.
The Rock vs. Stone Cold. The Yankees vs. Phillies. McDonalds vs. Burger King. Tonight was another chapter in the Book of Epic Battles. Fuckleberry Finn, who competed ast year in San Francisco as Robo-Lover and Dirty D paced backstage knowing this competition would go right down to the wire. Our third place finished, Professor Longair, was a formidable opponent (gingerbread people sex illustrations and all), but this night was all about Fuckleberry Finn vs. Dirty D.
Fuckleberry excelled in the WTF realm. The man caught a fish and then had his way with it. His way was sweet and gentle, not unlike what many families do with fish on the dinner table every night. Dirty D excelled in the Oh My Goodness realm. The man does Air Sex like actual sex and it pays off for him (you may remember his as the winner of our first-ever New Orleans preliminary round). Both men excelled in the music and costume department.
We suspect it was a difference of two claps and one screamer in the final voting. Dirty D squeezed out a victory and a deflated Fuckleberry gave him a gentleman-like congratulations. And Brooklyn went to bed happy.
Big Dick Door Guy was eager to show the world what he’s capable of. His manager was reluctant to let an employee compete in the World’s Most Important Sporting Competition. The North Star Bar clientele, however, were delighted with Big Dick Door Guy. In addition to full healthy thrusts, our Philadelphia Champion utilized the power of costume to win over the judges.
