He’s a local celebrity, he’s a DJ, he’s the first ever Santa Fe Air Sex Champion. Sir Loin (one of our favorite names of all time) gave the crowd a feel-good come from behind victory last night after defeating Mike Cock in a Fuck-Off and then demolishing Jism the Clown and Cheesedog in the finals.

Other highlights included the Absinthe Queen disappearing under the judges table and doing who knows what and a scary heavy-metal routine that was 90% scary and 10% sexy.

We’ve always said that the best Air Sex show consists of the following things: some good fantasy/comedy scenes, at least one train wreck and some actual sex appeal. Tempe, you did not disappoint. In addition to a delightful weirdo named Space Panda (quite possibly an actual Panda from actual Space), you gave us a Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka type launch from a chair into a woman’s lower regions and you gave us a more-than-solid winning performance from “Cuntastrophe”, who earned the crowd, the crown and a pack of cigarettes.

With much due respect to our runner-up Rumple Foreskin, Los Angeles belonged to D-Bone tonight. It might still. D-Bone swaggered onto the stage like he knew he was taking home the title. D-Bone even had the word “D-Bone” tattooed on his arm. Was it a new tattoo? Did he have “Air Sex Champion” on his other? We wouldn’t be surprised. Look for this guy to be a real contender for the National Championship.

Both Apple Roxy and Bumper Thumper had the classic “we’re not taking this serious” looks on their face but when the music hit, it melted away. Fast. Bumper Thumper easily took the crown with effective uses of a banana and water bottle. The crowd went nuts and Just the Tip insisted on getting their phone numbers.

The Eugene Air Sex Championships were filled with mysteries, hookups and fantastic Air Sex. It was exhausting and brilliant. We’ll most definitely be back. Check out our masked winner below:

Oh, Portland. How we love your enthusiasm. How we appreciate your eagerness to thrust. How we’re flattered you want to see the right champion take home the crown.

In fact, we’re so flattered, that for the first time ever, we used to science to determine the winner of tonight’s Air Sex Championship. After an extremely unbelievably tight final round the audience was split between DD Top, Guy and Schlongathon. The styles were vasty different (circus sex, awkward sex and wheels off sex respectively) but the audience’s reactions were identical: raging enthusiasm. After we measure the sound of the applause using some magic equipment in the tech booth, DD Top ended up the champ.

The Rock vs. Stone Cold. The Yankees vs. Phillies. McDonalds vs. Burger King. Tonight was another chapter in the Book of Epic Battles. Fuckleberry Finn, who competed ast year in San Francisco as Robo-Lover and Dirty D paced backstage knowing this competition would go right down to the wire. Our third place finished, Professor Longair, was a formidable opponent (gingerbread people sex illustrations and all), but this night was all about Fuckleberry Finn vs. Dirty D.

Fuckleberry excelled in the WTF realm. The man caught a fish and then had his way with it. His way was sweet and gentle, not unlike what many families do with fish on the dinner table every night. Dirty D excelled in the Oh My Goodness realm. The man does Air Sex like actual sex and it pays off for him (you may remember his as the winner of our first-ever New Orleans preliminary round). Both men excelled in the music and costume department.

We suspect it was a difference of two claps and one screamer in the final voting. Dirty D squeezed out a victory and a deflated Fuckleberry gave him a gentleman-like congratulations. And Brooklyn went to bed happy.

A beautiful photo set is right here!